"Why am I different from other people?" "Who am I?"

 

For a long time, I was often called an odd person. I've felt life to be difficult for as long as I can remember. I wanted to change my situation and so decided to study abroad. To call out the situation as I see it, the pressure to conform tends to be strong in Japan. The differences among people aren't readily recognized as individuality. I had hopes that going to another country would allow me to discover who I really was.

 

But that was wishful thinking. Even in America I wasn't easily able to find where I belonged. During those days when I was lonely and crying for no reason, I sought solace in painting, which had been my hobby since childhood. When I visualized pain in my heart as a picture, my thoughts became clear, and I could understand what about me was causing suffering. I kept on painting intently just to save myself.

 

But no matter how much I painted, it didn't lead to a fundamental solution. That was probably because somewhere in my heart, I anticipated someone's approval of me, so I abandoned my self-esteem and my basis for evaluation to others. In this world, there isn't a prince who conveniently comes to the rescue or a wizard there to help you out. In the end, the only one who can truly give you approval is yourself.

 

"If I can't find the place where I belong, I can create it myself," I thought.

 

It isn't about trying to escape loneliness but giving myself permission to love. That way there is no fear of being alone and no need to give up on loving. My current style of expressing a world of love was born from that. I depict only one person in my works to symbolize loneliness. I want to convey that there's a place for everyone even when they're lonely. People who are mentally independent can get by without losing sight of themselves.

 

Also, the reason that many of the works have the female body as a motif is to express hope for the future the message, "my body is the universe and can give birth to anything." A long time back, I touched a pregnant woman's belly and had a powerful inspiration that the womb contained the universe. I use the nude form to dispel the idea that only attributes and possessions have value. Making sweeping judgments based on these things robs people of their ability to see. Appearance, education, job, money, wealth, fame, ability. The people in my paintings overflow with confidence without being led astray by these things, and are in a sense my ideal; not ashamed of me as I am. The theme of every painting includes love because I want you to be full of love. Through art, I want to create a place for people who feel alienated like I do. You may be alone, but that's nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I don't want you to give up on loving. When I was seeking solace in painting, the words I wanted to hear weren't "you're not alone" but "you did fine on your own; you survived." So that's what I'm saying to you. I would be delighted if my works could be a place where you find belonging and your heart finds refuge.